If you are a mum you will have experienced Mum Guilt at some point or another.
Mum Guilt comes in many different forms and there are different extremes as to how badly you can get it.
Sometimes it’s okay to have Mum Guilt. Sometimes we just need some chocolate. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us how it is. Life should be fun!
Mum Guilt #1 – Sleep
Problem: wanting more sleep
EVERY mum will know about this one. Newborns don’t sleep very well and unfortunately it is important for them to wake to be fed, changed, burped etc., so that’s not likely to change. Unless you have a nanny…
Toddlers sometimes don’t sleep very well and they can climb out of bed, come and disturb you in your bed, sleep sideways kicking you out, and yet they still wake you up at 5.15am wanting breakfast and to watch Peppa Pig!
And then there are children, some of whom still don’t sleep very well and well, I can only wish that sleep improved as they get older and if it doesn’t… I’m sorry!
Solution: They need a sleepover, send them to Nanny’s house!
Mum Guilt #2 – Cleaning
Problem: You will not have the time to clean your house before visitors arrive. You will have time to tidy and hide the mess in a bedroom they won’t go in. You will not have time to sweep, mop and clean all of the floors/carpets. You will have time to spray Fabreeze. You will notice when you have visitors that there is baby sick on the sofa. You will just ignore it and hope they don’t notice…
Solution: Get a cleaner. Or never let any visitors in. I suggest the cleaner!
Mum Guilt #3 – The To-Do List
Problem: You know when you have a long list of jobs to do that include cleaning (see above), picking up a parcel, visiting your grandparents, making dinner, bathing the baby etc., etc., etc., yet you only have two hours to do it all and you’ve got to pick up your husband from work?
Solution: Do the important things. Is it really that important that you see your grandparents that day? Grab something for dinner that you can shove in the oven and bath the baby at the same time. Get a cleaner (as above). Prioritise and say no to things that you can’t do.
Mum Guilt #4 – Working
Problem: You’ve had nine months off work already. You’ve been ignoring the fact that you have only have a week left of Maternity Leave and you have a back to work meeting with your boss next week. You don’t want to leave the baby. You want to become a stay at home mum. You want to quit your job.
Solution: Pick an awesome childminder. Somebody like you, somebody you know will make your baby’s day fun and somebody who will also tell you if they were a nightmare and not lie to your face.
Change jobs. If you can go part time, do it. If you can move to a school and have 13 weeks off a year, do it. You will miss them but you need you time too. Nobody can baby talk all day long; you do need some adult conversation!
Mum Guilt #5 – Breast or Bottle
Problem: Everyone talks about how ‘Breast is Best’. It’s not. Keeping your baby alive is! Well, I kind of hope that’s your aim?
Solution: Do whatever works for you. Some mums take to breastfeeding like a duck to water. Others don’t. Some mums know that Dad can help and do night feeds with bottles. So long as they are happy, healthy and they sleep (everybody wants sleep!) that is all that matters.
Mum Guilt #6 – Date Nights
Problem: You love your husband, you want a date night but you don’t want to leave your little one. Date nights come few and far between when you have children. You have to make a conscious effort, you need to book a babysitter and you need to have money to pay for said date night.
Solution: Grandparents, student friends and aunties are generally the best to ask to babysit. They love your little ones cute face and you know they’ll still be in one piece when you get back. Date nights don’t always have to cost money. Buy some jars, write some date ideas down, split them into categories and pick from the category you can do for that date night. Ideas could include the cinema, picnic in the park, a meal out with friends. Your little one will have more fun than you realise and will not even know you’ve been gone. Enjoy it, but not too much – See Mum Guilt #8
Mum Guilt #7 – Drinking
Problem: BC (Before Children) weekends and some evenings consisted of a nice glass of wine, or vodka and coke, or maybe even a crazy night out. Fast forward to AC (After Children) it’s unlikely that you’ll have the time, the money or the energy to go on a night out, so you won’t be going on a bender any time soon. You may, however, want to drink more AC. They can drive you mad. All day. Every day. It shouldn’t last forever.
Solution: Let your husband, partner, whoever get them to bed and pour yourself a large glass, put your feet up and enjoy the trashy TV or that chocolate bar you’ve somehow managed to hide from the toddler… I salute you. My toddler finds it all!
Mum Guilt #8 – Second baby
Problem: You have somehow got through the crazy newborn stage and people are asking you when you are having a second baby. Well, when are you? What about your first born? Will you still love them as much? Will you still be able to spend as much time with them? How will you cope?
Solution: Only you know the right time. You will still love them as much. You will be able to cope. You will spend more time as a family. You will give them a playmate. You will give them a friend for life. You will give them someone to cause chaos with. They will love it!
Try not to feel too guilty about anything, you are an amazing mummy and your little one loves you lots, that’s all that matters.
Mummy Fox xx
“This post first appeared on www.meetothermums.com”